The Cold, Hard Fiction of Fanfiction
by Rizu Neko-Chan
Summary: There is no freedom in this world. Here, there is only me, the author, who says what you do as the character, whether you fit your personality or not, I will choose. Can our favorite cocky alien escape from the grasps of an insane fanfic author? KxI fluff
1. Cold Hard Fiction of Fanfiction

Wootness! Second fic, people! Rejoice for me! -dances- Enjoy this kind of random oneshot, please!

I do not own or claim ownership to Tokyo Mew Mew, or any related titles, logos, or characters.

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Kisshu's golden eyes blinked open to a bright, unrecognizable light. He sat up with a jolt to see white. He turned around. Looked down. Up. There was white everywhere. He didn't even have a shadow next to him. Wondering what to do next, he stood up on his feet and found he couldn't drift, fly, or teleport. He rubbed his head and wondered to himself,

"Where am I?"

"_You are in the world of fan fiction."_

"Who's there? And what's fan fiction?!"

"_You don't need to know who I am. I am simple labeled as 'author', And you are the character I am making the subject for this fan fiction I am writing. Here you have no will. I bend and twist your personality as I please. I even control who you are coupled with."_

Kisshu thought a bit.

"So you could make Ichigo like me if you wanted to?"

"_You wanna bet?"_

The scene around him suddenly changed dramatically. It was raining, the sky was an inky grey, and there were puddles on the long sidewalk he was standing on in what seemed to be a quiet, residential neighborhood. No one was on the streets, and no lights shone through the windows.

Kisshu looked down to see he was holding an umbrella, and under it stood Ichigo, sopping wet with tears mingling with the water dripping off her strawberry-colored hair. She looked up at him with big, wet eyes. He almost melted right then and there. Their faces drew closer and closer together, and were about to meet when…

POOF!

In Ichigo's place stood Pai, in the same position, completely out of character and clinging like a mud leech. Kisshu jumped back 5 feet.

"Holy crap! What was that for?!" he yelled to the sky, slapping a hand over Pai's face.

"_This is the world of yaoi. You and Pai are sometimes paired as a couple, or Pai is described as just a very ugly girl."_

"Oh come ON!" he yelled, struggling to stay a far distance from the crazed Pai.

"_Would you prefer Minto? Or maybe Zakuro? We could do Zakuro…"_

"No! Bring Ichigo back, NOW!" he yelled in frustration, using both of his feet on Pai's stomach to keep him back.

"_You have angered me. Prepare to be punished."_

The room went back to being blank. Kisshu nervously paced, wondering what was next after that experience.

Out of the blue, a huge mob of teenage and school-age girls appeared, encircling him one by one. Upon seeing him, they shrieked, all of them, and charged at full speed in his direction,

"OMG I LUF U!!11!!"

"I WANT A KISS, NYA!!1!1!!"

"DUMP ICHIGO!!111!"

Kisshu turned and ran as fast as his legs could carry him, just barely escaping the grasps of the mob of screeching girls, and they were gaining on him, too.

"OKAY! I'm sorry!" he screamed, being tugged by one of his ribbons from a really athletic fan girl.

About 20 cages flew down from the sky, encasing the whole mob into the cramped traps. Kisshu sat down, panting from exhaustion. He tired rather easily, considering he always flew.

_This is crazy…_he thought, _How am I ever supposed to get out?_

"_These are called fan girls. They all love you and want to marry you._

"Creepy…" Kisshu said, twitching at the sight of so many of them, and they all want to be his wife. Every one.

Suddenly, about 12 cages dropped from the sky in the same sort of manner, but they has something contained in them. To be exact, more girls. But…they didn't look as cheerful. In fact, they looked angry, Really angry.

A red-headed girl from the nearest cage came to the front of the trap,

"I swear, one day I'll scale you and scoop out your guts like a dead fish, except you'll be ALIVE!" she swung a huge reaper at him but narrowly missed.

"What's not to love?" he said, smirking cockily.

"_I wouldn't do that. These are anti-fan girls, the ones that hate you and want to kill you."_

The reaction to his remark was instantaneous. The entire amount of the cages went into a huge uproar. Among the crazy jet of swearing and name calling, a few were popular and easily distinguished, as

"Perv!"

"Jerk!"

"Ugly!"

A massive sweat drop appeared on the back of Kisshu's head.

"_This is what happens when they meet."_

The scene changed rapidly to an ancient, muddy battlefield, obviously ripped off of a certain movie starring two young dwarf-like creatures and a golden ring.

All of the girls were dressed in armor, gold for the fans, and red for the anti-s. Both groups were heavily armed with weapons of all sorts, any kind you could imagine. The fans made the first move. They raised their banner high and yelled,

"FOR KISSHU!" they all screamed. They yelled all the way to the opposite army, also charging at the call of their ringleader. They sandwiched into a huge mess, and the battlefield was red with blood almost instantaneously. Kisshu backed off, slightly disturbed,

"Okay, it's freaking awesome I have my own army, but this is going too far…" he turned around and faced the sky,

"Oh great Fanfiction Author, please, return me to my original location, of which I may have peace from this terrible world of bad characterization, the mobs of Fan girls and Anti-Fan girls, and away from this terrible curse of yaoi!"

"_Then I will. Ponder what you have seen, know, and have experienced."_

Kisshu hesitated as the room went back to the beginning color of white.

"Wait, oh powerful one, could you do me one last favor?"

"_Yes?"_

"Could you put me back in that scene with Ichigo?

--

I made this on random impulse, like, 2 hours ago, I know it's been done before, but it was SOOO much fun to write. If you guy are nice and review, I MAY write a sequel. Anyways, thanks for reading!


	2. AN

(A.N./ Quick A.N. here, I forgot to mention at the bottom of the page.

You read about the red-headed girl? That's actually based off of my cousin, Kitty Coco. She's super-duper anti-Kish. She thinks he's a creepy perv who's really ugly and will try to kill her in her sleep. Quote: "-spots Kish- No, sorry, I have some unfinished business to attend to! -pulls out knife- -stops in mid-air- -pulls out chainsaw- **YOU'RE GOING DOWN, PRETTY BOY!!**" (taken from my list of quotes on my profile) But, yes, that last quote was her role-playing, and let me tell you, she takes quite pleasure in trying to chop him to bits in any severe way possible. Slowly. 0.o She's entirely anti-KxI and all RxI, so we often break out in fights over messenger.

Just thought you guys would like to know about that little Easter egg.

I'm excited to say she's in the process of coming up with a sequel to this fic, but her internet filter blocks Fanfiction, so I might post it up here on my account and give her full credit, her call. At any rate, I hope you enjoyed the story!)


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